I am really looking into adoption right now. I have been talking to this family i adore. Everything would be okay I know it. But I am sooo worried about the regret I may have. I couldn`t bring myself to have an abortion. And please don`t lecture me, I am doing the right thing by not aborting and 1) keeping it,…
Well – as an adopted child myself, and now a mother of 4 – I’ll answer from that perspective…
YAY for you for not aborting. SOMEONE would love to raise this child, even if you cannot.
Can you meet all perspective parents first? I would HIGHLY suggest an open adoption both for YOUR sake and for the sake of the child. I spent 27 years wondering so many things before finally finding my bio family.
I can guarantee that some part of you will always ache for your child. It’s up to you to decide what situation will be best for them. But – giving them up will always hurt. Of that I am certain.
EDIT: I just have to comment to Doodlestuff – Believe me, I would NOT have “done better” with my birth family. My older siblings were being raised by their (our) grandmother for the most part. One sister (at 40+ years old) now is off-and-on homeless and suffers alcoholism, one brother has been in and out of jail his entire life, and the other brother we’ve never been able to find and no one even cares! The only two who had remotely “normal” lives were me and my other sister who was adopted (by another family). Our case is extreme – our mother is schizophrenic – but my point is adoption is GOOD.
And to those who say the kids will suffer abuse and torment in foster care… please hun, don’t listen to all of that. Sure, bad stuff happens all the time. BUT that is not the norm. My own (adoptive) mother has had over 80 foster children and I’d say a HUGE majority of the time they were much better off in foster care. *I* was in foster care at birth – but thankfully was adopted by the only woman I’d ever lived with at about 4 years old. There are so very many foster parents who are awesome. That said – if you do open adoption from birth, there’s no reason at all that your child has to ever be in foster care.
You choose life – that *IS* the best choice, no matter what you do from here!
I have not done it but I was adopted. In my opinion, giving a child up for adoption is one of the most loving, selfless, heroic, giving, kind things a person can do. You want what’s best for your child and you are willing to endure possible emotional pain to ensure it. I’ve never met my birth mother but I have absolute pure respect and thankfulness toward her.
Honestly, I just can’t imagine being faced with the decision you are. It will probably be the hardest thing you ever do. I really can’t comment on regret feelings that may come about because, as I said, I have not done it. I would imagine that you will always wonder about how it would be if you decided the other way (in either case–giving the baby up or keeping it). But, also in either case, you will know that the decision you made was what you thought would be best for your baby.
I am sure you know about all the options about open adoptions. If not, find out all about it before you decide. I wish you the best in this difficult decision. I just wanted you to know that there are people who think adoption is wonderful and loving.
As a side note, I think Heaven is a bit confused. I read A Child Called It and it has nothing to do with adoption. Other books in the series deal with foster care. Nothing about adoption at all.
I am on the opposite side here- I am adopted and have 2 adopted children. My husband and I had the privilege of meeting our kid’s birth moms and I can tell you, they were the 2 most unselfish women that you would ever want to meet. They both knew people who were saying abort- but they loved their children enough to give them life. By the way for the one that said she would rather abort then place for adoption- has no clue. Yes, there are instances where older children get stuck in the foster care system, but that is not the normalcy. I am so glad to hear that you are choosing life. I think of my birth mom too and realize yes, it was probably hard, but I know that she does not have to regret of taking a life. If you want to talk more, email if you can. I will be praying for you and your decision
adoption is all about loving your child enough to put aside your personal feelings of wanting your baby to do what is best for your baby. you may want to ask the adoptive family if they will be telling the baby he or she is adopted and if you will be able to be in some small way involved weather it just be a yearly letter form them and a picture or actually being involved in the baby’s life. this is not the easy road it is the hardest of all your choices but possibly one of the most rewarding. there are allot of great ppl out there who can not have kids of there own that would give your baby so much love. i am married mother of one and pregnant with my second. i always knew when i was younger that if i was to end up pregnant i would have to give the baby up that would have been the only option to me. however i never had to go through that situation so i cant really say what i would do. i would like to become a surrogate in the future. do what you know is right for you and your baby.
Hi, Bobfrey … I just found out about your question this morning from Pixiedust.
Yes, I gave my first baby up for adoption when I was 18, since my boyfriend left me, my parents threatened to disown me, and I had no way to support us.
It was one of the best decision of my life, as it turns out.
It was a closed adoption, so I didn’t know anything except that she had a four year old brother. I always wondered what happened to her, but also knew I had done the right thing.
I didn’t know anything until she found me when she was 30 years old; it apparently wasn’t very hard to do. She called my dad, and he called me … I returned her call, and her voice on the answering machine sounded EXACTLY like me! I was so freaked out I hung up … and called right back. She answered and we laughed our heads off because we sounded like the same person, the same high, squeaky voice.
Anyway, turns out she was adopted by a radiologist in Houston and raised in River Oaks. She had a wonderful upbringing, a happy home, and is married to a great guy. There’s no way I would have been able to give her any of that. I have three grandchildren (one of whom is older than my youngest child), To think that my parents wanted me to get an abortion! I told them I’d never do it. What a tragedy that would have been.
Like the radio commercial says, ” didn’t give her up … I gave her more.” I never regretted it, and I never will. I don’t think you will, either. It’s the right choice for you, and for your baby.
To be completely honest with you, you may always have mixed emotions about your decision. No one can tell you its the right one (though I have strong opinions about adoption, positive ones). However, If this is the option you choose, you just have to remind youself that you did something wonderful by first just allowing your child to be born, and second, allowing a family who want so desperately to share their love with a child, to have that opportunity. If you decide you are not ready to raise a child (I will not say not ready to be a mother because you are already if you are pregnant and always will be wether the child is with you or not) then giving that child a better life is not something to regret. Its an act of love that takes a lot of courage and even some heartache but in the end can make all the difference to that child and to that family, it will be truely a miracle.
Some friends of mine had a biological child, but then they decided to adopt. They adopted a black baby (they’re white) and they’ve had a wonderful family life. Then they decided they wanted to adopt again. So they went to China a few months ago and adopted a baby girl.
It’s really cool to see them all together because you don’t even realize they’re all different ethnic or racial types. They are so completely a family, they’re actually MORE family than some biological families! These kids have been given a chance at being a part of a loving family because the biological parents gave them up when they knew they couldn’t provide for them.
I think adoption is a great choice for some people. I know it’s only my opinion, but for what it’s worth, giving your baby an opportunity to be a part of a loving family that can provide and take care of the child is probably the most loving thing you can possibly do.
I commend you for looking for advise from others. I just gave one up for adoption. Mine was an open adoption, it was someone that I worked with. Her daughter was killed in a car accident a few years ago and it had left a void in her life. I gave my baby up for adoption and she chose the first name, which was her daughter’s (the one who died) boyfriends name and I got to give it the middle name. On Mother’s Day she gave me pictures of Adam and I gave one to my mother and she broke down in tears. Remember, no matter if they let on or not, this is almost as hard on your parents. But I have spoken with a few of my friends and one of the doctors and they said that they were proud of me for doing what I did and not aborting the baby because that is what so many people do anymore. What doesn’t make any sense is that people say that they couldn’t just give up the baby for adoption….but they can abort it? You will be giving the gift of life to someone else that never could or can no longer have that experience and can’t have one on their own. If it weren’t for people like you and Juliet and me (and the others on here that have given theirs up for adoption) there would be 1. alot less life and 2. alot of people that aren’t as happy because they don’t have children to care for. I just looked at what I was going through. I am a single mom already w\2 kids, working full time, going back to school. I can’t afford to raise another baby. As hard as it is, you have to do what is right for the baby, and not think about yourself. That is part of beginning to be a good parent. You can always have an open adoption if that is what you wish. Good luck to you and God bless you and the child.
All I have to say really is good luck with your choice. I myself sat in with a person at an Adoption agency and looked at prospective families…. I didn’t like what I saw… and I was just too scared to give up my now 6 and 1/2 month old baby girl… I don’t know what I would have done if I had…
It’s your choice… I hope, in whatever you do, that in your heart you know it’s right.
Oh and I’d say if you’re going to do it, have an open adoption… I just think it’s better that way, just my opinion.
Sweetie, I know this is such a hard decision for you, and so much rides on it.
You sound kind and caring, and only you can decide what is best for the sweet little baby you will have.
There are many people out there who can’t have babies and who yearn and ache to feel a little one in their arms, and these are the people who turn to adoption. I’ve read so many happy adoption stories.
You just need to decide what is best for your child – can you provide the things the baby will need? I know that ‘things’ aren’t everything, but to be a young single mother trying to make ends meet and provide for a baby can be a very difficult thing.