I am a mother of one child, a toddler. I always knew that I wanted to have children. I love my little girl more than my own life and will do anything to make sure that she feels loved, happy and that she never goes without anything she needs. Sometimes though, I feel that I will never have anymore adult fun and…
Everyone goes through it! I promise I found a book a while ago that puts everything in perspective and what you and I think these ladies actually say! Here’s an exerpt that might help! You can have one kid or five and it can still be as hectic as EVER!
The Fake Cupcake Problem
If you’re sitting down and reading this, then you must not be having the worst day ever. Or maybe you are. Whatever kind of day you’re having—you couldn’t love your kids more, or you couldn’t be more eager to jump in your car and speed away—we’ve been there. Between us we have five kids, two husbands, two dogs, three-quarters of a career, steadily improving skills at negotiating with toddlers, and way too much stress. This book got started on one of those nights that followed one of those days—dog poop tracked into the house, wild children in the aisles of Target. Laser-eyed, we watched our clocks until 4 p.m. Then we each poured ourselves a glass of wine and picked up the phone to call each other.
As we talked, our kids tattooed one another with permanent markers and played in the dog-food bowls. Whatever—it really didn’t matter. We discussed our days, and within ten minutes we’d laughed, cried, whined about our husbands, wondered what happened to our sex drives, snapped at the kids, wished we had passions, and questioned why we sometimes felt like bad moms. Were you a bad mom if you screamed at a four-year-old for getting up twelve times in one night? Were you a good mom if you stayed up late baking fifty cupcakes for the next day’s ballet recital? Would passing off store-bought cupcakes as homemade really be a terrible offense? (Done it)
Meanwhile we were trying to turn the three ingredients in our respective refrigerators into some semblance of dinner. And our husbands, who’d finally come home, were looking at us cross-eyed for yet again being on the phone. Granted, blabbing while the kids trashed the house might not have looked so good from their position. But immediately hanging up to resume our roles as moms would not have been a good idea, either. These phone chats were our salvation.
First of all i am not a professional.
I sometimes feel this way. But my only child is now 11. I have learned now to make time for myself.. You have to, to stay sane. Let someone watch your child and take a night off every once in a while. Go out on the town.Have fun. You will appreciate being a mom even more when you don’t lose yourself in it.I know your time is limited, but go ahead and have your hair and nails done sometimes. Buy a new outfit. Don’t let yourself go. The key to being able to “get ready” is to give your child something to occupy herself with so you can have time to put that make-up on. You need to plan ahead now to get everything in. And don’t worry all Moms wonder every once in a while “What was I thinking?” and guess what it doesn’t stop at a certain age.
I don’t have any kids, but I took over temporary custody of my baby niece (15 months at the time) for one year. And, I have to say that was the most emotionally, physically and mentally challenging year of my life. As a single person, I was not prepared for the commitment and responsibility of a child. And, as you said, I love my niece to know end, but having a child is NO JOKE. I now know why women cry, look so disheveled and get depressed. My niece has since gone home, but I will think LONG and HARD before I decide to have children. It is not the fairy tale that women make it out to be.
Good luck and be sure to find some support. Maybe husbands friends can take your little girl for a few evenings during the month, so you can decompress.
YES. My daughter is nine months old and she has showed me how to love, but also how much I took for granted the time I used to have for myself. I think the secret to not feeling overwhelmed all the time is to share the responsibility. I stay at home with her, so sometimes I feel like I don’t have an identity. I’m going to school for my Master’s degree, and it helps when I have a class I go to (as opposed to all internet classes.) My husband and I also made a deal where each weekend, one of us gets a day to sleep in and do whatever (like shower, get ready) before we all spend time together. That makes life heaven. I’ve also joined a couple of playgroups which help immensely as there are other moms who know what I am going through, it gives you some adult conversation (even if it is about diapers) and it gives your child some other kids to play with. We are doing the hardest job known to mankind, be proud of it, and not ashamed if you feel overwhelmed sometimes.
Don’t worry. Before you know it, time will slip away and you will so wish to have these days back. It seems like mine were just that little yesterday and now they have such busy social lives that it’s hard to keep track of them. Sad. I used to wonder if I would ever get a moment to myself. Now I wonder why I needed it. And don’t forget you have that preteen stage to go through where you are a complete embarassment to them and they don’t want you anywhere near them. LOL Just hang in there. It gets better. Or maybe it’s worse.
sometimes everyone feels like this. i started a parenting group where we did a once a week child care swap we had 5 moms in our group so every 5 weeks it was your turn for 6 hours one day. all the moms dropped off their kids at your house for the 6 hours
then they could go home and take a bath and a nap and get ready to go out or go shopping or do what ever they wanted to. then for 4 weeks you get to be the one who drops off and goes for the 6 hours a week. it really works.
omg! dont worry mommy, ur not alone… reading ur question was like as if i wrote it…. is ok to feel like that. i definetly feel like that. i have a 19 month old and he is ALWAYS with me..
is not our lifes anymore, but is only temporary. i mean, my eyes look like raccoons, i barely do my hair, and forget going to the grocery store. it went from getting up and go to having to pack diapers, juice, clothes, get him ready and get me ready while making sure he doesnt get dirty or flush something down the toilet..jejeje.. i love being a mother, and i wouldnt change it. but when ever im drained ,i just remember,is temp. hell get older. and it feels much better when he smiles and calls me mami…hope you feel better!..i would say to leave her with someone for a couple of hours, but if ur like me. with no friends or anyone worthy enough of my trust. then just relax and rememeber it will all pay back in the long run… if you ever need someone to talk to.. email me..good luck
What about this saying: “Oh, she’s not bad, she’s just spirited”.
I get that a lot about my little girl. Trust me, I love my baby, but that chick is BAD!! Spoiled slam rotten.
I found through hard times that giving them a little “make up kit” with some of your old harmless cosmetic (like a compact, and neutral gloss or blush) in a little tote and bringing them in the bath room with you when you get ready, tends to occupy them, and makes them feel special…like they are prettying up with mommy. That way you don’t have to chase after her.
yeah i feel exacly the same sometimes. i love having my daughter i just feel like ive lost myself having my daughter i never have time to look better than ok because i would rather have an extra 5 minuets in bed than get up and put on make up or straighten my hair ect as my daughter has either kept me up half the nite or kept waking me up. people dont just see me as me bbut its always rachael and hazel some people even call me hazel wich is my daughters name. i dont feel like this all the time i just some times miss me, but this is what i have sacrficed for my daughter because i love her so much.hope i’ve helped and if you ever want to chat then get back to me.
you took the words right out of my mouth.finally someone else feels the same way as i do.