Has anyone ever got married and realized he wasn’t the man you thought he was?

The man I married isn’t who I thought he was. Before we married I didn’t want to because I was afraid of divorce but he promised me he didn’t believe in divorce and now he is telling me that marriage is just a signed paper that means nothing. He changed dramatically after our son was born. Every…

Even though I hate admitting it, I can identify myself with your husband. I don’t flirt with other girls or get mad when may girlfriend talks to other guys (we live together) but sometime I feel like “I’m missing out” (I’m 20, we’ve been living together for like a year and a half). My point of view is that she think everything revolves around her, one little thing I may do wrong and she says that means I don’t love her. Little things like not wanting to go to an Amusement Park because we have no money. Or because i can’t say “No” to a meeting in another city that I’m required to go to in order to keep my internship (and have money).

The point is (probably like your husband) I don’t know what is better for us. We are happy together but sometimes it seems we would be happier being separated and he mistreats you so YOU would leave, and if something happens to you it will not be HIS fault. But whenever you’re ready to leave he can’t see himself without you and thinks it over, and once you stay the chain repeats.

I don’t know what the write answer is or whose fault it is but your husband seems a lot worse than me. I know I would NEVER hit my girlfriend which can’t really be said about him. We had a this type of arguments for about 6 months after our last and strongest arguments about 4 months ago we’ve been fine.

I don’t really have an answer except he’s probably confused too.

You unfortunately left some things open here, without some potentially vital details.
First, I don’t know how this started with these emails. If he’s sending emails and flirting with other women, that’s an issue on him. If however, he’s just emailing other women casually and you’re spying on his emails, he probably feels like the trust in the relationship is betrayed.
You didn’t really explain if you emailed your old male friend before he started emailing other women. If you were first, he may feel like he’s just making things even. If he was first, maybe your relationship just isn’t doing it for him.
When you try to talk to him about the issues, it’s a good idea to take polite and kind approach, and try not to be accusatory(It wasn’t really clear in your question which approach you’ve been using, so please don’t think I’m trying to be insulting).
If he tells you to leave and then blocks you, it’s likely one of two probabilities; either he is just venting out of some pent-up anger and is actually afraid of losing you, or he’s potentially teetering on the edge of a mental snap(For your sake, I truly hope it’s the former instead of the latter).

In any case, I’d highly suggest talking to a marriage counselor. If you don’t have the money to afford it, maybe you could do a sort of intervention type of thing. What I mean by that is maybe talking to some of your woman friends and seeing if you can maybe get some of the husbands to talk with him.

As much as I hate to say this about any couple and about the once sacred institution of marriage, I kinda agree with your husband that marriage really is just a title on a piece of paper now days. At least that’s what it’s turned into with so many couples rushing in and ending it because they weren’t prepared.

You’re not a stupid woman for sticking with your commitment, but it’s best to proceed with some caution.

Thanks and I hope this helps. I wish you the very best in dealing with this tough situation.

Sometimes two people cant coexist together.
You seem really unhappy, and frankly, your husband sounds like a dirt bag. My husband would never disrespect me by saying F YOU when I’m trying to talk to him.
It sounds like there are some underlying issues here.
The person who is being hurt the most is your baby. No child should ever be brought up in an angry home. You need to look at whats best for your child, and if that means leaving, then you should leave. If the money is there, hire an attorney, and get out. The last thing you want is to end up on the next 48 Hours Mystery because your husband reached his breaking point.

Good Luck, I hope you guys can either work this out for the sake of your baby.

Sweetheart, if your husband is being so petty and childish, it is time you take matters into your own hands and leave. Do not announce, just leave one day while is at work or at the store. There is a possibility that you can fix this with some work from both ends and counseling but it is obvious that he is taking you for granted now. No one should be able to threaten you with a divorce after promising he would do not such thing. Your husband’s behavior at this point in your life, when you have a child together, is very selfish and childish.

Do not let this continue or you two will just fall into this same pattern and it will become harder for you to do what is best for you and more importantly, this child who needs you to do what is best for him. Your child should not grow up watching his parents fight constantly and “blow up” on each other. You really want to consider that next time your husband is caught emailing women he does not know.

He sounds like a man that is going to be abusive.

I’d say get out when he’s not home of course take your baby with you.

He is just using you. If he writes that nasty word to you in emails – keep them for the divorce – change your passwords on your email and anything else that you don’t want him messing with.

If he is in contact with so many other woman then he is cheating or is trying to cheat. Not normal behavior for a married man.

He may block your leaving because of control issues or he doesn’t want you to leave and drain the bank accounts.

He sounds like an abuser and a cheater. You can do so much better.

You and the baby leave him. Have an exit plan and do it when he’s not home.

He is abusive and you need to leave him and file for divorce immediately. Trust me, things will never improve, they will only get worse. Think of your baby. How can your child have a good and healthy life if you two are in such a dysfunctional marriage that your husband makes you feel broken? Is he the type of husband you want? Is he the father figure and role model you want for your child? You need to get out of the situation. I know that he will try to get you to stay by using ant manipulative tactics he possibly can. Don’t believe him if he says he will change. He won’t. If he threatens you, go to your local women’s shelter with your child. They will give you counceling, a place to stay, and legal help. Get out now before you endure any more of his abuse.

Hon.First let me say that you are not stupid so don’t put yourself down like that. i am going to share a experience that I had a long time ago, it was with my x-husband, I did not want to get marry with him, but I did, to make things right for the sake of living right and for my daughters, but this marriage was thee biggest mistake i ever made because he cheated on me left and right, and whenever i wanted to leave he will stop me n tell me that he is sorry and so on. To make it short i left him,because i felt that I deserve a wholel lot better, and I do deserve to be treated with respect, and very appreciated. I can not make that decisionn for you, but I am sure you know what is in your heart. The man e-mails to different woman’s, but if you do it all hell breaks out, what is good for the goose it is also good for thegad-err, something like that, anyway, know that you deserve a whole lot more than that, n yes you can move on beening a single parent, you will not be the only one. I have and I am much much better without him. Especially one that curse you out says F….You! Nah! that is not mine cup of tea.

My advice to you is to leave as soon as he is not around. Surely you and him can’t be always home at the exact same time and leave home at the exact same time every day. My suggestion would be, to leave with your child. Do this by, when your husband goes to work, if the child is old enough and goes to school on their own, ask them to go to school, then get your mother or someone to go and get your child from school, and you will meet up somewhere later.

As for yourself, tell your work you will be home sick or something, then when your husband leaves for work or whatever he goes to, then you leave. Take the belongings you need most, and just go. Go and meet up with your child and stay away. Go to a friend’s house, or your mother’s house, or anything. Eventually, go to the police and let them know your circumstances. That way you may get your belongings from your house, via the police.

When he tries to block you leaving, he is doing this because he wants to deny to himself that he is really such a bad person that he drives women to leave him. He is in denial about himself. He doesn’t want to actually have to admit to himself that he is a bad man, and doesn’t deserve to be married or anything. This is unfortunately true.

I know you may feel like you love him, but face it, he is just a bad man, who doesn’t care, and so you do not need to care about him, because those feelings will not be reciprocated. You need to realise that, and realise that out there somewhere, there is a man who will love you for you and make you feel incredibly special every moment you are with him. This is the man who should be your husband, not the man you are currently suffering.

Also, you are not stupid. You are merely a good person, who tries to see good in everyone they meet. This is not stupid, if anything its an intelligent, fantastic quality to have, and you must know this! Although I’m afraid there are some people where the bad side outweighs the good side to them considerably. This is unfortunate, but it happens.

Please take this advice. It comes from my heart. I feel for you, and wish you the best. I pray you do not stay with him for much longer, because you do not deserve this. You do not deserve to be in such danger either, because yes, this is a dangerous situation to be in. You must get out of it, which you can do through taking this advice. Please do so.

Good luck. My heart goes out to you. Though I have never met you and do not know you, and probably never will, you are in my thoughts and prayers nevertheless. Good luck. I hope I have helped. Please, I am begging you, follow my advice.


He wants complete and absolute control over everything and that includes you. He is trying to break your spirit, cause once it is broken you will be so lost and afraid to leave you will depend 100% on him for everything, you won’t be able to make decisions with out him. He threatens you with the divorce so much cause that is his way of telling you, either do what I say or leave divorce and make your life will be miserable with out me.

It is obvious he will not agree to go to counseling, you need to take the control away from him. Start ignoring him, talk to him only when needed, when he talks to you be polite but answer with short answers, act like he is not there when he is in the house, remember to always be polite. This will get his attention and will shift the control over to you. He will have to start playing nice to get your attention and what he wants. Good luck and hope everything works out for the best.

he is doing this as a defense mechanism. deep down he is probably afraid of you to leave. a lot of this behavior may have something to do with how he was brought up. what were the relationship between his parents like? He also may think of himself as the macho man of the house, anything he says. goes! anything he does it right. yadda yadda yadda. i think you may either need a break or get counseling. Since you have a child, I would recommend the counseling, or at least get through to him. He is showing a lot of signs of his defense, and blocking you out, so no one can hurt him.
My step dad is similar. Though he doesn’t talk to other woman, he puts his guard up and pouts like a baby. If something goes wrong, he doesn’t explain himself or how he’s feeling or the situation, he storms off…doesn’t talk to anyone, pouts and after either a few hours or days, when he’s over it, he never apologizes, he just acts as if it never happened.

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