Im a single parent of 3 children my daughter whos 9 and my sons aged 1 and 3. Things just seem seem to get harder and harder. If my youngest isnt crying its the other two arguing and fighting! I cant even go to the toilet without one of them following me crying because of what the other has done. My eldest daughter…
Listen you are not a useless mum just down a bit. Sometimes us women need to recharge our batteries and then we come back fighting….Trust me you can get this sorted…..It sounds to me that they are all fighting for attention yes even bad attention. Get a sleeping plan so the youngest children are in bed first….This then gives you quality time with the eldest. Treat her like an adult explain your having a tough time at the moment and you need her help with the boys. You could also get her to help with the chores as 4 hands are quicker than 2 and then finish of with girlie things, hair,nails etc but all the time you are building a relationship and spending quality time with her. Then up early get the younger ones fed and out the house, you dont need money to go to the park, take a ball and tire them out ……Boredom,televison and computers are easy excuses not to PLAY with kids but they need this to develop. Put a stop to the bullying between them and I am sorry but I personally don’t think you should start smacking them. I have perfected a look and sound to my voice and I can assure you that my sons even now know when enough is enough and they are 36,34,24. lol. You also must not give into them either it is to easy to say Oh take it but that lets them see that if they kick off enough eventually you will give in so keep to good behaviour is rewarded and bad behaviours is as well but they wont like it…..Then dinner and bed. Also check their diet for E numbers. These are colourants and additives that you find in things like sweets, fizzypop etc BAN THEM as these can can make children overactive.I know this will take a hugh effort and it will get worse before it gets better but if you dont make a stand now you will have three uncontrollable children and what are you going to do when they are 16+. So the moto is Routine,routine, routine…stick to your guns and let the kids see they are the children and you are the adult. You should also tell that selfish waste of space that you are going to a solicitor as he must pay maintenance now he needs to think about the cost involved with that and the solicitor will also organise contact so he can take responsibity for his part in raising his children…… Finally treat youself when kids in bed relax nice hot bath with smellies and a treat you deserve it.
I’m very sorry to hear what you’re going through. Being a mother, let alone a SINGLE mother… is the hardest job ever. And you have 3!
Does money allow for you to put the children in a day care for a few hours a week?? If so I would advise you do so and make it a priority to get YOU time. Even if that just means going to the library to read a book or taking a walk, or a bath at home.
There are community programs also that might help out with your older daughter. You might try getting her involved in some type of summer art or music class for a few hours here and there. She’ll be enriched by the experience and then you can focus your attention on the two little ones who really need one on one time with Mommy. Maybe you could take 1 to daycare and spend an afternoon with the other… etc. That way they get some time with you that is positive and fun.
You don’t mention if you have family in the area but if you do don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. Everyone needs a break sometimes.
Talk with your ex again and make it a point to tell him that he needs to step up and be a more involved father because they children are acting out and suffering. Hopefully he’ll feel guilty and do so.
I wish you the best.
My heart goes out to you.. I too no how u feel, i no i only have one child an it is hard enuf, my little girl is two.. But getin a break can b hard especially when the “father” (he doesnt deserve to be called one) isnt very helpful. i have been thru the courts an the lot with my ex an when it takes his fancy he plays the prodical father!!! The things that got me thru was goin back to college, i no it sounds mental, i was on the social and i still am, i didnt no where the next euro was goin to come from but it always works itself out.. U need to get some time for urself, away from the kids, try an get out at least one day a week just for a few hours even.. an then u will b more relaxed with the kids, they can see u are stressed and are playin up because of it, i found to that if i spend some quality time with her each day she is in better form, so say if u spend a half an hour with each child only, say reading a story or playin or just even talking, they wont have to fight for your attention…. i really wish u all the best, if u wanna get in contact just to talk to someone, feel free!!!!!
I don’t have three kids but I do have a 15 month old daughter that I am trying to raise on my own. it is defiantly hard I couldn’t imagine what your going threw. the only suggestions I have is to make sure you take time out for your self from time to time I know this is easy er said then done,but it is detrimental to your own well being you need to be happy too. My baby daddy is a lot like yours it’s been nine weeks as of yesterday since he try ed to see her. the last time he saw her he could only talk about if I was with someone, who I hang out with ext. my daughter doesn’t know him either, it’s really sad I feel bad for her but mostly feel bad for him cuz he is missing out on knowing the greatest little girl in the world and he’ll never be able to take back not being there for her first steps words, laughs, sorry about that i just started rambling, you hang in there girl you are doing the hardest best most underapretiated job in the world. but when it comes down to it raising those kids is the best thing you’ll ever do.
Thanks for building up the courage to post the message.
Life is a great strain at times, and with little ones on tow as well, it really can be hard.
First of all, if you need someone to talk to, day or night, try calling the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90, they may be able to provide real time advice and help.
Secondly, Kids, even though they can be hard to deal with at times, are really special. The best moments are when they are asleep.
Try joining mother and baby clubs, and mix with other mums experiencing the same situation as yourself.
I really do feel for you, but try to be strong, and dont be afraid to ask for help. The world is full of people who care. Just look at all the people who posted positive responses to your message!
I hope this helps!
I don’t think you are the bad person half these people are making out in your answers. You are simply human. You have to WORK at long term relatonships and once you have children it does change us women from being girlfriends/wives to MOTHERS. It sounds like you have fallen out of love with your wife and found this other girl just at the wrong time when things were going wrong with your wife. I think it is unrealistic to think the knew lady will solve your problems. If you leave your wife for her one day you will wake up in a different house in a different bed with a different woman but the same problems. Try and work it out with your wife if you can before you do anything drastic. Leaving her would not make you an evil person and the children will also be okay and get through it… but don’t take the easy option. Try and work it out if you can. You married her once so there must be love there somewhere. It was good of you to be honest and tell your wife about the other woman and to stay with her until christmas like you are. just try and give it one last shot before you leave. She has probably given up on her appearance because she id down, maybe postnatel depression. Tell her you love her. Get counciling. Sure you should follow your heart but you should put your childrens hearts before you and i am sure they would love to know dad did all he could to stay with mum. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
it’s hard, i know it is. i was in a similar position a few years ago. you’ll come through it, i know you will. don’t expect help because it doesn’t look like you’ll get it and it’s worse to hope for it and not get it than it is to learn to live without it and have a surprise every now and then. ask about playgroups for your babies or neighbours who may help you. i know that this is difficult cos i was told the same and no-one ever did help but you never know. send me e-mail if you want to chat sometime. any company is better than nothing. there wasn’t any such thing as internet when i was on my own with 3 kids! even my own mum was a bit useless. you’re just amazing to have come this far and there’s no job harder than yours right now. stay strong honey, it’s worth it in the end. honestly 🙂 xxx
right first of all you have to take a big deep breath and re-establish control over your household here, the way you feel just now must be very overwhelming, but you can, and have to do it, otherwise this behaviour is going to snowball out of control, and its starting to. i too have 3 children very close together and remember all too well how it can be, you have to take control here, and when 3 are creating mayhem this is not easy, your 9 year old admits she knows what shes doing but she probably sees it as the only way to be noticed by you or her siblings, who are a tad young to reason with, the 3 year old should understand tantrums are not the way to go, but in the midst of this its easy to give in. Talk to your 9yr old, explain mummy is exhausted and you could use her help, make her feel an important part in the household, when i say help i mean in calming the other 2 by not instigating anything, this involves 2 things, 1-she has to see she is heard without uproar, and 2-you make her feel she has done mummy a great thing, she is 9, too old to be babied, too young to be responsible, the 3 year old is going to have to learn what time out is, middle children have a hard enough time but once they learn that a tantrum gets them what they want-you have lost the battle, its so hard, but with a bit of perseverance, you can do it, at 3 they are very frustrated as their minds are usually ahead of their abilites and this is how they vent it, calm them, calm the situation and this will help you and them to establish whats wrong without the anger, as for the baby, once the rest of the house is calmer, he will be too, and this should make things easier on you after a while, i can sympathise, i really can, and it will get easier as they get older, but meanwhile, you have to find time for you too, i remember having a 3 year old peering over the bath as i lay in it lol!!!! there must be someone who can help you out here, even if its only someone who can come over and watch them while you soak in a bath, you have to summon up the strength to regain control here, and you can, the very best of luck to you
You need to discipline your kids, start off with the 9 yr old, set her straight, you start with timeouts, a lil tap on the hand or on the butt, and when you do time outs you put them in separate rooms, you also get a break for you. Also if you cant handle it fine but i use to spank my daughters lil booty i think i did it twice and she got it shes now still a well behaved child, when my hubbys kids visit he use to not discipline them, i nipped that and their behavior in the butt, literally. You need to -for them and for you – Good luck and best wishes – PS You are not a useless mom, dont ever think or say that, being a mom doesnt come with a handbook or instructions and i cant inagine what you are going through, you care dont you, you are there arent you, you care enough to ask for help, so it isnt you dear, you are trying –
You could join your local mother and toddler group, that way you will be mixing with other people in the same circumstances as you. It will give you a bit of a breather and friends who can help you out.
But at the end of the day they are your children and you need to teach them how to behave properly, they seem screwed up. The other answer about the Nanny programme is a good idea, children are not born naughty, they learn it and they can unlearn it and learn new ways of doing things. But if you are screwed up as well, then it is going to be difficult for them to learn how to behave properly.
Whatever you do, the best of luck.