I’m adopted and we contacted my birth mom this last week and she is estatic. She said she hopes I understand what she did and she wishes she could take it back and there is not a day she doesn’t think about me.
Q1: What makes you think of the child you gave up everyday and what do you think about?
I haven’t put my children up for adoption and I never will. My mom is adopted because she was taken from her parents. And some people I know wish they could have their children back because they miss them. They go for 9 months bonding with their baby and listening to their heartbeat and feel them move inside them. Its the most beautiful thing, but the bad part about it is. Sometimes you are not able to provide for the child and give them what they need. Most people beat themselves up for that because they feel like they could’ve done it. And that makes them think of that child everyday. They think of what they look like, the challenges the child may be facing, and if the kid hates them. And yeah they hate thatthey gave up their child, but in most cases they wanted to give the kids the life they never had, or cant provide. And I’m quite sure they love their children a lot. It takes love for you to give your child up for adoption. I know I love my children and I couldn’t think about being without them.
Q1: Well for me, I now have other children also I’ve spent a lot of time with a friends child who is the same age as the son I gave up for adoption and sometimes its just random things or random moments that make me think of him. I wonder what he looks like, if he’s happy, if he wonders about me, his hopes his dreams.
Q2: No. I was only 14 when I got pregnant and 15 when I had him, I was raped, I had no family support, I had nothing to offer him. He deserved a better chance at a good life then what I had to offer. Plus there are so many couples out there who desperately want a child to love who can’t have any of their own that can offer a child a wonderful life.
Q3: Very much, as much as I love the children I have now. Every year on his birthday I say a prayer that his past year was everything he could dream it to be and that the next year is filled with dreams and successes.
I understand both ends of the spectrum because I too am adopted. You’ve had the fortune of being able to contact your biological mother. I on the other hand am 30yrs old and have yet to find mine. I’m guessing by the “we contacted” that you have supportive family, just remember that they are your family, they may not be blood, but they’re the ones who have raised you thus far and have loved and supported you. Basically what I’m getting at is don’t forget them now that you have been in contact with your biological mother.
I hope I have helped some. Take care.
I’m not a first mom, but my best friend and mother-in-law are, and I’ve talked to many more.
Moms have a survival instinct that changes every fiber of their being the second they give birth, or even sooner during pregnancy. There’s a need to do better for your child. There’s also many, many fears that we moms cannot do the best for our children. I almost placed my oldest for adoption, and struggled to raise him. Also, there are so many things that are out of our control, especially during pregnancy, such as finances, relationship problems with partners and families, and hormonal changes that take place that make us have self doubt, confidence problems, and more.
I believe that the feelings after adoption vary from mom to mom, but overall, 95% have a feeling that they wish they’d kept their children, but even more so, most wish they’d had the ability to keep their children. Most moms who place children do so for the sake of wanting a better life for their child-not for their own reasons, but for those of the child. It’s love that makes a normal private adoption possible most of the time-and almost never hate of the child.
My mother-in-law’s pregnancy was the result of rape, and she went on to marry a year later (at age 16), and had 3 more children in 3 years. She tells me every time she saw one of them walk, talk, and do a new thing, that she thought of her firstborn. That was a little over 50 years ago, and there just wasn’t any talking about an out-of-wedlock pregnancy back then, even though it wasn’t her fault.
1. What made me think of my child? Everything. Unless a woman is mentally ill, I believe it is impossible to carry and child within our body, give birth and then not want to love, care and want to know how that child is. No woman gives up a child unless she feels she has no choice but that doesn’t take away the feelings of being the mother to another human being.
2. Yes, every single day I felt that way.
3. It’s impossible to measure how much I love my son that I lost to adoption. All I know is that he is my child (in his 40’s now) and I love him for that simple fact.
Q1: What makes you think of the child you gave up everyday and what do you think about? – I didn’t just give my son up I was blatantly bullied and lied into surrendering. Nothing made made me think off him everyday it was just natural to do so. I had gone through 9 months of pregnancy and bonding so it a mother’s instinct to think off him. His birthday was the hardest day to get through. I thought about what he looked like, wondered when he cut his first tooth, his first smile, first shoes, wondered what his likes and dislike were, did he even know he was adopted …. so many different things. We reunited in 2004 so what I think about now is different because we have reunited and normal things like wondering what’s he is up to.
Q2: Do you ever wish you could take your child back/you wish you didn’t give them up? – I wanted to parent my son so wish I had the knowledge back then that I have now then my son would never have been adopted in the first place. I believed the lies I was told as these came from my parents and adoption agency.
Q3: How much do you love the child you gave up for adoption? – More than life itself and I would die for him
I never wanted to give my son up in any way . He was turned over to CPS by my sister. He was staying w/her cause I lost our place. After 6mo. went by and no help from them/anyone , they said that I had to sign him over because my time for change was up.
He was my life…., my whole world but I failed him.
He was 4 then & now is 18. I’ve been looking for him for 9 yrs. now and I wont stop till I find him!
To some, it’s a what was best saying but to me…, I was forced & never could understand why they didn’t help me and my son . Instead , they took what mattered most to me just because I couldn’t change my situation and that’s because I didn’t know how . Had no family/friends. Nobody & no knowledge.
I love him w/all my breath in me.
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