HOW WE GOT TOGETHER:
I met him in college and he was very fun and exciting
I married him when i was 21 we’d been dating for three years and i just had our second child. he was working at a manufacturing plant about ten months at the time
Reasons i think he is a loser:
1)He is not a good provider
He is the father of your children and together with you — they will not have anyone better. Consider their needs. The fact that he enjoys spending time with them tells me that he is a loving and devoted father.
Before proceeding you need to differentiate between him not being able to be effective and him not wanting to be effective (because he does not completely understand his role). If the matter is of just not having the skills / tools to get and keep a job then you might consider directing him to a local community center where they have free programs that teach these skills (including how to create an effective resume and how to be successful att job interviews). If he likes reading, then you can borrow corresponding books from your local library. Libraries also have educational programs. It is totally appropriate for a wife to point her husband in the right direction and then to make sure that he follows through.
A man can be taught what it means to be a man. One way is to rely on religion to inform him what his (man’s) responsibilities are. It is not all up to him. If he is a good person that just happens to be affected by bad economic climate – then you need to give him support and encouragement to get back to the working world. Remind him about the purpose of family and it’s importance in the circle of life. Keep asking him questions that will force him to define his role as a father and a husband.
The problem with forgetting things can be alleviated with writing daily activity lists, having alerts and alarms. Nowadays almost every mobile phone has a schedule planner with alerts. I personally prefer to have my schedule on paper.
Another solution is for the two of you to itemize all of your daily household work and see how the two of you can split it so that whoever is has a better chance of getting a keeping a job can study and go to interviews. If you feel that you can do better than him in terms of earning income, then you may want to consider getting a job and letting him take care of the kids. The key is preserving the family and raising children into caring, responsible and virtuous adults.
As a last resort consider visiting a marriage counselor so that he can help him learn the things that he needs to know. Alternatively, you can enlist your or his friend or another male to have a few conversations with him where they can share their view of a family, how they achieved their position in life and what they plan to do for the future. This way he’ll not need to come up with a complete life plan of his own but will rather be able to select one of the plans that worked for others or a combination of plans that he hears.
Hope this helps.
You are in a crazy situation! I can say a lot about why you kept having kids for him, if he was such a horrible person or why you stayed married to him, but none of that would matter because the kids are here now and you are still with him. Do you have help from family with the kids? Maybe you can get a divorce move in with your mother or some other family. Collect child support from him, when he gets a job and try to be the best mother you can be. I would also get my tubes tied as soon as you deliver baby number 6! I feel bad for those kids! Especially the first 2-3 when you had child 4, 5, and 6, you automatically put them all at a disadvantage! You can’t possible afford provide them all with quality daycare and after school care, summer camps, theme parks, amusement parks, keeping them active in sports/activites, and keeping them involved. It’s costly for kids these days. Welfare will be your best friend if he does not step up! How selfish!!
Sounds like you’re just bad with money. That’s all the issues you listed. Only you can fix that, first by paying off your credit card debt then practice some willpower. Your parents issues doesn’t make you a loser, neither does the jobs. You got to find something you’re interested in. Took me 10 years until I found what I wanted to do. got to take little steps. When you see people with accomplishments, it didn’t happen overnight for them. You got to work at it and probably won’t see any results until 3 to 5 years down the road. You can’t get a good job without being in the trenches. More so without a college degree ( in my case).
It may be that time. I was in a similar situation a few years ago where my live-in BF hadn’t had a job for a while, didn’t do housework or cook, and pretty much played games all day and all night. Despite his numerous promises, he never got a job or did anything else he said he would do, so I left him. Any adult needs to learn to be responsible, and that includes looking out for other’s safety, financial well being, and generally living up to their obligations and duties (providing a good source of income, getting good grades).
I don’t know if you have, but maybe having a sit-down with him and telling him where you’re coming from may work. Give him some time to straighten himself out, but be prepared to leave if he doesn’t keep up his end of the bargain. You and your children deserve more.
Where’s the 2?
I always want to ask people, “Did you realize your husband was like this when you married him?” I understand how people change, but I think most of the things your husband does now, you probably would have already known about before you got married. If you sense something is wrong before marriage, you should listen to it. Don’t think it will pass and get married and be upset because the same person he is now, is most likely the same person he was before.
If it bothers you this much, get out of there. Leave him and start a new life. I know, easier said than done, but if you don’t leave then you will just be angry for the rest of your life.
You are the one who married him and has five children with this man. You can’t make him change or fix him. He has to want to do that on his own and try not to put him down or critisize him. If another man critisizes him it doesn’t matter that much to him, but when his wife puts him down his world turns upside down. Say positive things about him to make him feel like a good man and perhaps he will have some ambition if he thinks that you are supportive and respectful towards him. It’s reverse pshycology and works sometimes! He seems like he is a good father and loves his children even though he is childish. Since he is the children’s father he loves them unconditionally and will not let anyone ever hurt them. You do have many children by him so it will be hard for you to ever find a man who will be serious with you and take on your family and treat your kids the way their real father does. I say for you to stay with him and give positive reinforcements for your kids sake. Try to be happy with yourself and learn that you can fix him.
Wow. I’m very sorry. Maybe you can discuss this with him with a third party present so he will take it seriously? I’m not trying to sound mean, but why did you keep reproducing with this man if you know he is irresponsible and lazy? Now you have seven kids to take care of. He sounds more like a liability and another child than a mate.
Shakes head in disbelief.
Apparently he does something good, hence the six kids.
i am stuck on one point only: 6 kids in 12 years..WOW..!
i wish u can get rid of him asap