Briefly, my wife of 3yrs. & mother of my 2.5 yr.old, used crack cocaine. several x’s. now she says she has 60+ days clean. she just regained more visiting time for her 8 yr.old son which she lost 5yrs. ago, from prior heroin addiction. She’d been clean about 6yrs. prior. she’s now not allowed to see him…
Go to court and GET SOLE CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILD!! This is first and foremost! DO IT NOW, Not later, but NOW! Get a GOOD ATTORNEY.
I would say to divorce her and tell her that if there is ever any chance of you two having any kind of relationship, she needs to get SERIOUS help FIRST!
She isn’t wanting to stay with you out of love but rather dependency. DO NOT DO THAT TO YOUR CHILD!! She will continually come and go and that is not fair.
I would push for sole physical AND Legal custody with her having SUPERVISED Visitation until she gets stable and some serious time under her belt!
The back and forth drug use and the bi-polar don’t mix well for a recovery. Sorry, but they don’t! Also, one of the first mantras of AA/NA, etc is “Change your playmates and your play grounds” But she is living with someone that has a long history of drug abuse!
Get SOLE Legal and Physical custody of your son THROUGH THE COURTS! This is the ONLY way to protect him! Right now, as it stands, she has every RIGHT to come pick him up and go whereever she chooses!
Get a GOOD attorney and file an emergency petition. Pay for another month or two of her rent if you have to, but do not let her back in and make sure you get the courts to judge YOU his Custodial Parent SOLELY!
You can’t afford, for your son’s sake, to continue the yo-yo of addiction! HE Deserves better and you know what? SO DO YOU!
Good Luck. Please make sure to give a follow up!
Concerned for you and your child!
I dont believe there is really anyone else that can answer this question for you. Only you know how much you love her, and if you believe she is changing any. I say if you DO want to be with her go to Alanon meetings and some meetings with her. See a therapist if you can.
I have much experience with drug users in the family. My dad has been recovered for over 20 years now. Good luck with it either way. Even if you dont want to be with her maybe you can check out a couple meetings anyway…just so you know more about the addiction.
None!!!! Both my boys came from a drug addicted mom who slept around and was on both crack and cocaine when my youngest son was born. We put her in a nice rehab called Teen Challange in Alabama where she stayed a entire 1 month got kicked out came back to ky and started doing the drugs all over again. Meantime me and my husband were raising her kids why she used their child support and their welfare checks to spend on her habit. Finally i got fed up and we filed for permanent custody and now she is out of their lives living some where in Arizona doing drugs and prostitution and god knows what else. She hasn’t written or spoke to her children no presents for birthdays or nothing in years. the boys love her very much and we don’t discourage that. we don’t tell them what she has done just that she is off trying to get her life right. so i am sorry this has happend to u and i hope u fight for your kids but keep her at arms length till u know she is on the right road for sure. good luck and god bless u
I have known dozens of abusers and tried in vain to steer my brother away from his lifestyle (heroin). What you really want to know is whether she will change or if she even can. Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? No.
The question is how much YOU are willing to put up with. Do you have a breaking point and have you reached it yet? It sounds to me like you really want to give her another chance, or several more chances. Just realize that you giving her more chances doesn’t really increase the probability of her REALLY changing. If she changes, it won’t be your doing. If you are willing to put up with the see saw perhaps she’ll pull out of it. Perhaps not.
But think of the kid. What kind of life is the kid going through? Kids are resiliant but there’s a limit. Whatever you decide, I think you owe it to the child to do what’s best for him/her, not what’s best for you or your wife. Good luck.
I can completely understand where your coming from. My husband is addicted to crack and has been ever since before we got married. This year after being with him for almost 4years I decided to file for a divorce. My kids were placed with family by CPS 2 times because of his drug addiction and me trying to make my marriage work. The only person that can decide when she has had too many chances is yourself. Until you have had enough your going to continue to be there for her and help her out of the deep hole she has put herself in. You are called a co-dependant, which is what we all are till we realize that we have had enough and put our foot down and stick with what we say.
I truly hope she has cleaned up her act but I can honestly say don’t count on it. My ex husband put me through the same things. I found out he had a problem and at times it was very severe. I put him through rehab twice and it always got better for a little while but he always went back to the same thing. He got put on probation for marijuana and could never pass a drug test and it got to the point one day that I had enough and asked him to move out. We have a son together and for three months he never came around. When he finally did I was disgusted looking at him for he had wasted away to bones and looked so unhealthy. I went to his probation officer and told her everything and he was sent to prison. He thanked me when he got out and looked a 100% better but he went back to it not to the extent as before but he just couldn’t say no. I divorced him from prison and that was the best thing I could have done for myself and my son. So I don’t believe you should give her another chance. It is the hardest calls that you have to make sometimes to open her eyes up to see what she is doing to herself and her children.
Only you could truely answer your question.
I do believe her chances of staying clean are greater living with you and not with another drug addict. My mom was addicted to crack cocaine and has been clean for 9 years now. To me, it seems like she had a relapse and is trying to get back on track.
If you truely love her, take her back, but under certain circumstances (ie. get a job). Have her prove to you she is serious about staying clean.
If you are feed up with it then no more chances. If you have done all that you could to help her then move on and get you and your child a normal life without the mom that needs drugs that are not prescribed. She seems to have a problem if her other child was taken from her. Her family is not her priority. Move on.
It all depends on how much you love her. On one hand you need to get the heck out of there and take your child with you. But on the other hand if you love her, your the only chance she has of actually breaking free from the hole she has dug for herself. If you can handle the task and feel like you can save her do it! If you think its a lost cause then, stop letting her pull you down.
you have a better chance at getting struck by lighting than her
quitting her drug addiction….smoking pot is not bad but..the hard stuff destroys peoples lives….hard drug users are usually pathological liars and theifs… saying what ever they think you want to hear to get what they want…..its a lost cause support your kid dont waste your time on her….she will bring you down with her try it you will find it to be true