I’ve been married 9 months now, and just found out that my husband had a two-month relationship that ended about a month before our wedding. We were together for 6 years, engaged for 1 1/2 years, and until now I always bragged to everyone about how loyal and trustworthy he was. Words can’t describe how…
I think the part that disturbs me the most out of all this is that he had to be faced with compounding evidence that he continuously denied until there was nothing left for him to lie about. He just kept lying through to the end which leads me to believe that he’s untrustworthy and not willing to accept responsibility for his actions.
A failing marriage that has only begun is sad and I empathize with the embarrassment that it entails but ask yourself if this situation would have been any more tolerable if you found out years later. How many years would make this any better? I’m trying to rationalize this as if I were in your shoes here but I can’t bring myself to conclude that you should be stay with him.
About counselling: Counselling works only because the two people in the relationship want it to work. If you had to peel back every cover lie to get the big truth I have little confidence any apology or promise to change will be meaningful, especially in the presence of a third party. The only 3rd party I would bother to invite is the other woman to find out if he’s lying to you about the sex. But I wouldn’t bother…..
There’s no easy answer here, I don’t think this man deserves you, move on, and don’t waste years with a man that you can never again truly trust.
First, do not believe him when he says he didn’t have sex with her. That is such a Clinton thing to say. Second, if you think you will ever be able to regain his trust (which will be very difficult), get some counseling.
This is a terrible way to start a marriage. The betrayal has shown you what he is capable of doing. Granted, you weren’t married but you were both in a committed relationship and he couldn’t stay loyal. Sorry but I would seriously consider leaving him. Good luck
That really sucks. My wife of 15 yrs cheated on me. We are divorced now, even though at the time I was willing to work on our marriage. Absolutely nothing worse than being betrayed in this manner. I am all for keeping marriages together especially when children are involved BUT – this is one thing that will always be in the back of your head no matter what. In order to save your marriage you must first insist he earns your trust back. By this I mean cell phones are always out in the open, no pass codes. Facebook and e-mail are yours to view at any moment, his time away from you is accounted for with proof if need be. You must be able to get the thoughts of them out of your head. The sex they had, and they had sex, the mushy talks they had, the inside jokes they shared – all of it. You are to never bring it up to him even in your worst fights. Are you willing and able to do that? She did not contact you out of the blue because she was bored. He lied to her. Probably either A. told her he was single or B. he did not intend to marry you and that they would be together forever, He did you and her wrong and she is not happy and thought you should know. good luck with this, its a pretty bad place to be – i know, I just left that town and hope to never visit again.
It is possible, as it has happened in the past, that in these types of circumstances some men have a need to fill prior to marrying & don’t really see it as cheating.
I don’t really agree with this, but just something to think about.