Rate my story/Suggestions?

Rate the first chapter of my story?
“Mommy!” I cried. “Mommy, stop!”

I was too late. I stared in horror as the kitchen blade sliced through her wrists. I shrieked in agony as she raised it to her neck. I ran to her and flung the knife from her hand, but it had already done its job….

Okay, that was REALLY good.
And you’re only twelve! Haha, I definitely think you could be an author someday(:
Come on guys, the death thing is not disturbing, after all, it DOES happen on a daily basis.

Thats like suuuuuuuper awesome….. way better than anyhting i’ve written. My only suggestion is tell where the father is. Did he die? Did he leave them? Why’d her mom kill herself?

Um maybe you can say the mom killed herself because she was sad her husband (girls dad) left her and ran away with a hooker or something

Your story is Great I just want to know what happened to the character’s dad and learn more about the characters in the story like what do they look like and I want to know why the character and Sophie like vampires

Then he began eating, and he beat you, and have been given you to commence doing drugs, and he left you with 2 young little ones. You had to get a job at Walmart and go crawling back on your dad and mom begging for help. captivating tale.

Standard writing for a 12 year old. I find it disturbing that your writing about death at your age, but aside from that it’s ok.

I love you are really good. it is very interseting. Sad because her mom killed herself. Yuo are good!!!

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