I need advice on marriage and porn.?


Me and My husband have been married for almost 2 years. I am 20 he is 23 and we have a 1 year old. Im scared he is addicted to porn. I understand that all men like to masterbate and watch a porn every now and then but he hides it from me and then lies about it. It really breaks my self esteem like hed rather have…

Have you asked your husband if he feels he is addicted to pornography? By the information you have given, it seems like he may be.
You need to have a very mature and serious conversation with your husband about this issue. Do not convict him, but rather try to be understanding; Any addiction is hard to break. And he may hide it from you because he is ashamed of it.
Be very open about how you feel about this, as open as you can possibly be. Tell him that you love him and want to trust him, as he wants to trust you too.
Ask him how he would feel if it were your child instead of you walking in on him doing these things (and it’s more of a possibility as your child gets older). Make it clear that no child should be subjected to things like that.
Do not get angry or upset, as he may only become defensive. Tell him again that this is effecting your marriage and if he doesn’t care about that, then it may be time to seek outside help with counselling.

Every man is different, every addiction is different. Know that he may promise to change, but it may take a while and you need to be understanding of that. This is the “for worse” part of the marriage. And there are both husbands and wives who struggle with this in their spouse.

Remember why you love your husband, why you decided to marry him.

The only time you should considering leaving is if your child is subjected to pornography because of your husband. That is most definately not acceptable.

Good luck.

2

I don’t think its a matter of wanting something else he sees in a porn more than you. The “Not tonight, I am tired” is the clue here.

Look, it’s a lot of work and effort to please a woman sexually. He has to hold off his orgasm and do physical things to arouse and please you. This takes time and a lot of effort.Sometimes a guy would rather just watch a porn, have a quick and relatively effortless orgasm, and go about his day or night.

You are young with a lot of responsibility. You have a new baby to care for, job (s), bills, housework and on and on. This doesn’t leave a lot of time or energy for sex. Nagging him and telling him how much this hurts you isn’t a turn on and not a help. You told him more than once, he knows! Harping on it will only make him exclude you from his sex life more! There is nothing more unattractive than a crying/hurt looking woman who feels insecure and comes across as a prude! Trust me, I have been there and done this with my husband.

Try putting more effort into your appearance. Do those things that make you feel like a Goddess! Look sexy and feel sexy! You will project that to him and your sexy and confident attitude will attract him. Tell him that you understand that porn can be fun and watch with him, no strings attached. Maybe even masturbate together or masturbate each other so that there doesn’t have to be too much effort when he or you are too tired for full out sex.

Ask him what he likes about porn and tell him you are willing to spice things up a bit. Don’t forget to tell him what you like in porn, as well, so he will feel comfortable sharing his thoughts and fantasies with you. Remember that thoughts and fantasies are just that and need have no bearing on how you feel for each other. Just because a guy fantasizes and talks dirty doesn’t mean he loves you any less or will cheat!

You have a choice here. You can be the insecure and weepy harpy who has sucked the joy and fun out of arousal and orgasm or you can be the cool wife who has a good time with all aspects of sex and sexuality.

It is just so hard for me to believe that there are so many women out here with such self esteem issues where a woman on screen would be a threat. Nowadays I can’t watch a movie where there isn’t a sex scene, so how come there aren’t more objections to that? I know guys who’ve watched Monster’s Ball just to see Halle Berry do a sex scene. Fatal Attraction.. 9 1/2 Weeks.. there are plenty of movies out now and in the past where the subject matter is sexually based. How come there is no outcry about that?

I just really don’t get it. Female adult film stars cannot and should not be viewed as a threat to anyone, whether they’re in a relationship or not. Your husband isn’t addicted to porn. He wants to watch it but doesn’t want to feed your insecurites so he hides it. He asked to watch it, hoping you’d be okay with it. I can’t see how a man wouldn’t occasionally prefer to beat off rather than have sex because no energy is spent beating off. Even if you’re on top, the man has to exert some energy. Why is that so heartbreaking that he could’ve preferred to get something quick rather than give into your hints? Your hinting around at sex isn’t at all as arousing as if you offered head or something. But even then, you’d probably want sex afterwards, and resulting in him spending energy anyway. What’s so hard to understand about that?

Try and join watching with him or even taking pics or movies of yourself that he could watch on screen instead of other women if that’s what makes you most insecure. My husband use to watch a lot of porn as well and I told him about my insecurities. Now every once in a while he takes fun pics of me or we make a little movie and he watches that whenever he needs and its me, not some blonde big boobed bimbo. You never know you both might really enjoy it.

Have you suggested watching one with him and asking him to do his thing with you in the room, or something along those lines. Find out what he likes about it rather than just beating him up for it. Who knows, it might lead to a bunch of fun – for the both of you!

He hides and lies about it because of how you react to it. He wouldn’t do so if he wasn’t worried about what you would think.

You could look like a wooly mammoth or Scarlett Johanssen. He would STILL like porn. It has NOTHING to do with how attractive you are.

I know women will slam me for this, but most guys whack it at least once a day. If he is IGNORING you in favor of porn, that’s a problem, but whacking it once a day is really pretty normal, especially if you are not having sex.

Join in with him watching the porn. He feels the need to hide it from you as he knows you feel like he is choosing it over you. Be open about it and I bet your sex life will be a lot better if you both get into it while watching porn.

heyy..
well i would suggest you confront him and ask him why he rather watch porn than have you himself. Try it yourself, see what its like – then maybe you might feel what he does?
Just be careful… Try doing exciting things – like dressing up, romantic dinners etc to spice up the sex life. Maybe that way he won’t turn to the porn, he will know that he has you. However, don’t go over board, because after all, marriage isn’t just about sex!
Be more open with him 🙂
Gd lck xx

my bf did this and i got really upset, he still did it tho, i forgave him agen and agen in the end i left him for a few days and when i came back to get my things we talked, i have 2 kids and thort it was just me he wasnt into but he sed he was getting addicted, put urself first stay away for a bit let him see what you mean to him if he loves you he will respect you not wanting him to watch it 24/7, now he says he doesnt watch it i still check the laptop now n then but he hasnt, sending you strength x

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